symptoms

Wednesday, January 13, 2010 , Posted by Johnny Fuery at 12:58 AM

Originally Published 2005-04-15 12:39:43

Well, I think I'm officially depressed again. I hate that word, because it seems so negative, and there is something to the whole "expressing something makes it more real" cliche, but it's true.



I woke up at 9 today to the sunshine peering in my window and grunted, then went back to sleep. Now, there are lots of neutral reasons one does this. And lots of reasons that might even be positive! "I have nothing to do this morning, and I *deserve* to sleep in!" might be one positive world-view, for instance.



But, alas, I just didn't want to face the day. I didn't want to go to the office, I didn't want to take care of the other tasks on my plate today, I didn't want to go to the gym, and I didn't relish the thought of that first sip of coffee.



I just didn't want to get up. I didn't want to drive anywhere, or see anyone, or eat anything, or...



I was dreading everything that I have to do today. I'm not even excited right now about seeing Laura tonight. Even that feels like a chore right at the moment.



--



I was just pondering the "why", and while I can come up with lots of little things that probably have some effect, there's no overarching reason. No chick issues, no travel, no binge behavior recently, no stress.



I'm not really building anything right now, either, though. Maybe that's part of it. No new relationships, businesses, projects... but gawsh. My two construction projects are only just finishing... I haven't even rented Livermore yet.



No, that's not it. Having a cool project could mask, perhaps, but something more is amiss.



Damn. I wish I knew...

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