Originally Published 2005-01-18 03:24:27
Went to Sac yesterday. Saw Auburn with Becky & Frank.
I think I might move up there for a few months. They have a guest bedroom that's a decent size. Instant family, instant new nephews (yay for their cute new cats), instant mini-renaissance.
I'll be back a lot. Stuff to do... rent 2 units in Concord, 1 in Livermore (yikes, bad month!), finish my family room and paint my house, rent Dublin, and sell MusicRip.
I made an offer today on a 2000 sq ft home in Montclair. There goes another 610K. Wish me luck.
In other news, I have a CAT scan next week. I'm... oddly anticipatory. Not anxious, really, since -- mostly because I'm feeling pretty mobile (don't ask me to bend over or anything, but I can sit (not lay) through a movie in a recliner now with Ibuprofen).
I did stand up and hit my head today on John's doorjam (he's got a low one). It hurt sooo bad. I didn't feel any nerve stuff, but I needed to lay down for awhile.
I spent a couple of hours today with my mom. She made an offer on a condo in Walnut Creek (yay for her).
It was weird. I saw a lot of people today, actually... Don, Kelita, Sarah, David, my mom, Gabe... the sensation was odd, to say the least.
The all look to me as a hero (!). David, referring to the rental unit they're adding on, told me that they've been inspired by me. Later, I found myself saying, "I was just lucky" to Don's reference to me as the guru of leverage. And John said something about "keeping up with the Johnnies."
It was strange... I felt pride every time, but yet, embarrassed, too.
I like being listened to. They all look at me with such admiration and respect now. It rocks. And I have inspired them all -- however indirectly. Heck, I think I can take credit for everyone from Raj to Surrino... and all the Jonathans and Davids in between.
But there's a very fine line between admiration and awe. And you can't tell people with awe that you cry sometimes.
My mother and I had a conversation about coffee today that segued into a discussion about addiction. I found myself telling my mother that responsible use of drugs -- legal or not -- was no worse than enjoying a good cup of coffee. I threw in my disdain for ephedrin marketed as health food as well. And, of course, I casually called addiction to ritalin, alcohol, or antidepressants "worse than using a mind-altering substance like E or Coke once or twice a year in a safe environment."
Then there was the comment on how incarceration for drug use was preposterous. "Fine, if you don't want it in the country and kids shouldn't use it, then make it a civil issue. Cite them and have them pay a fine!" Let drug users contribute to the budget, not be a drain on it, right? Massachusetts does that for Marijuana already.
She replied so diplomatically I just had to let it go... I asked her what she thought, and she said, "Well, I'm really conservative, so I'd be afraid to use anything."
She made it so personal... you can't "discuss" after that. I let it go. She obviously didn't want to even get into it, which disappointed me.
I guess we're just so different that you can only hope for a superficial interaction. Bummer.
So Nathan & Jeremy (twins brothers -- childhood church acquaintances) are "pioneering". The JWs have this deal where you're encouraged to proselytize to the extent that 90 hours a month makes you worthy of mention in front of the whole congregation and otherwise lauded as a super-pimp. It's completely... oh hell, this is public, so I'll try to be objective... blah! It's a sign of complete dedication to the lifestyle and religion.
Thing was, I always felt like those boys were basically troublemakers. Our parents had it all backwards... Corban and I got into trouble (loved that year-long game of tag we had going at every church meeting, for instance) a lot -- but were basically good kids that tried to be pleasing. I thought that those guys really didn't care -- sorta like the progidal son's brother that says "yeah, sure, I got it dad" and then goes and jerks off, father be damned. (y'all don't remember that fucker, do ya? Go re-read the parable, christian boy)
Anyway. Looking back on it, now, I realize that she was saying it because she was poking me with it -- "unlike you" was unsaid at the end. She said it with admiration and a little bit of... resentment? That's a little strong, but sorta.
The awesome part is that I'm so aloof -- so completely outside of her circle of influence -- that I completely missed it. I thought it was funny and ironic that "those boys" were dedicated "pioneers".
The mother-son projection of her disappointment in me was completely overlooked on my part.
How do I feel about this?
Triumphant. Hers is not my pain.
And just a little bit of sympathy. (It's all I can do. "mom" is a relative statement, if you know what I mean.)
I guess my feelings on drugs mean I'll have a lot of explaining to do when I run for president.
Saw Jamie and Jim at Starbuck's in CV today. It was good to see them. We chatted for a minute -- she got a new car, I broke my back, etc.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and they were gone.
The dynamics were the same as they always were. He was polite, but disdainful, and she was genuinely happy to see me and open.
Ahhhh, old flames. I wish he'd get over that. It's only been 2.5 years... and it would be cool to (just) skate with Jamie once in awhile.
C'mon, man! I promise not to have sex with your girlfriend, ok? Really! I'm swearing on it in a public forum!
(For the record, so you don't have to go searching through archives, she and I went out for a little less than a month, and it was almost a year before he even met her.)
Originally Published 2005-01-18 03:24:27